Apple announced some new devices today, and, damn, how more underwhelming could Apple and the devices be?

As scripted, the know-nothings in the lamestream media are running with their screenplays describing the death of PCs. Every one of them has written an article cribbed from the Apple PR.

It is shameful.

Shameful, because it hides the fundamental malaise hitting Apple.

As currently run, Apple is the world’s most profitable company because of one singular device, and its variants, the iPhone. Apple is the world’s most valuable company because of the sales, and growth prospects of one singular device and its variants, the iPhone.

And boy, has iPhone produced.

That, is not in dispute.

However, a few clouds are looming.

iPhone sales are slowing
While the growth rate, market share, mindshare, brand loyalty, and profits – oooh, those sweet, sweet profits! – are still ultra-impressive, the fact remains that sales are slowing.

iPad sales have tanked
Unlike Microsoft with Windows Mobile/Windows Phone/Windows 10 Mobile/whatever-they’re-calling-it-today, iOS, and by proxy, iPad, cannot use the “app gap´ excuse. Yet, sales have tanked.

One could be unkind, and intimate, anecdotally, of course, that everyone who wants a netbook replacement, living room tablet, and or large-screen camera – don’t ask! – already has one.

Now that they need to get work done, they need Windows tablets. Because, that is where work is done!

Don’t get me wrong: iPad is a great device. However, a PC it will never be.

New Apple customers don’t want expensive devices as new Apple markets can barely afford them

The iPhone’s insane and profitable success doesn’t seem to be translating to less wealthy countries.

Sales are stalled, or have an initial burst out of the gate, only to settle to ho-hum – for Apple – sales. India, China, and sub-Saharan Africa come to mind…

Financial analysts are starting to notice. Some muttering, and issuing ‘neutral’ ratings for Apple, the stock. One of them, IIRC, even went rogue, placing a downgrade on the stock!

Something has to be done.

So, they did.

The battle with the FBI deflects the news
In American politics, the rule-of-thumb is, whenever there is a domestic issue that has the potential to derail an administration, manufacturing a foreign policy event always serves to break the attention of the American people from their angst, and focus their attention abroad, with great patriotic, and nationalistic fervor.

An opportunistic foreign event is even better.

For Apple, talk about an opportunistic, externality: The Curious Case of the San Bernardino Terrorist’s Locked iPhone”.

I mean, seriously!

Everyone and man + dog is engrossed with The New Civil Libertarian, Timothy Donald Cook.

What dying iPad sales?

What slowing iPhone sales?

The attack on Microsoft deflects the bad news
Today, another prong of the deflection came in: the new iPad Pro 9.7”.

This, is the PC-killer we’ve all been waiting for.

I’m serious.

According to Apple, 600 million PC users are completely upset with Windows computers, and the iPad Pro 9.7” is the device those disgruntled PC users have been waiting for.

In addition to this wonderfully magical device, Apple also introduced their equally magical iPhone SE which, in the words of my friend Enrico Signoretti, is…let’s hear it in his own words:

@DeepStorageNet @johnobeto and I have just spotted the iPhone 5... relaunched as SE. Unbelievable. They are genius!

— Enrico Signoretti (@esignoretti) March 21, 2016

He wasn’t fooled!

The day when Apple became a purveyor of commodity devices
If you peel away the nonsense from all the bullshittery Apple Execs tossed at their proletariat today, you get to the pearl in that turdfest: Apple now sells deeply discounted stuff, from the new iPad to the smaller iPhone.

Maybe it would reboot sales growth.

In any case, no one’s talking about slowing iPhone sales growth today.

Tim Cook is a genius!